Pig in a Poke Story: The House

Leverage: Eliot & Hardison
Warnings: None

“So, you're serious? You bought a house?” Eliot asked. “A real house?”

“Yeah, man.” Hardison said. “It was a great deal. Three bedrooms, two bathrooms, and only $125,000.00. A steal, man.”

“Mmhmm. Did you actually go and look at the house before you bought it like I told you to?” Eliot asked.

“No need, they got a picture on the ad.” Hardison said. “Here, see for yourself.”

Hardison punched on the keyboard and brought up the real estate ad.

“See? Quaint and cozy, 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, large attic, large lot with seasonal creek, meticulously maintained in original condition.” Hardison pointed out the picture of the front of the house. The front yard was small, but it did seem well taken care of. Still, Eliot couldn't help the nagging feeling in his stomach.

“When do you get the keys?” Eliot asked.

Hardison smiled and held the keys up. “Got 'em right here, man.”

Eliot grabbed the keys and stomped out the door, muttering over his shoulder. “This is gonna turn bad and I ain't gonna bail your ass out when this turns bad, Hardison.”


“No need to visit, huh?” Eliot said.

The two men had just walked into Hardison's brand new house. “Quaint and cozy” meant a small 900 square foot house that had been built in 1954. “Large Attic” was really just a crawl space that spanned across the entire ceiling and there was not enough of room to stand up in. “Large lot with season creek” turned out to be a 3 acre lot with absolutely no landscaping or fencing done in the back and a muddy ditch across part of the property. “Meticulously maintained in original condition” meant original cabinets which looked as though they'd never been cleaned or taken care of, original appliances that obviously no longer worked, huge flowered wallpaper and wood paneling, and pink bathrooms.

“Dammit Hardison!” Eliot snapped. “I told you to take me with you! You got dry rot in the walls, the roof leaks, the kitchen and bathrooms have to be completely gutted, the house is sinking on one side, the foundation needs to be redone, and all of the wiring is so old, it's disintegrating!”

Hardison stumbled over his words as he looked at Eliot with a mix of begging and fright. “But, but, but you can fix it all right?”

“No, I cannot fix it! It's sinking, Hardison!” Eliot growled. “Sinking!”

Hardison could only stare, no words coming to mind as he stared out at the mess he just landed himself in. Eliot abruptly turned and stomped towards the door. The sound of the door being flung against the wall pulled Hardison from his haze.

“Hey, where you going?” he called over to Eliot.

Eliot never stopped, simply yelling over his shoulder. “I'm calling a contractor I know!”

Hardison watched Eliot go out, slamming the door behind him as he left. The door cracked against the frame, the hinges broke, and the door fell to the floor. Hardison didn't really even notice that the front door was missing as he walked over it to go outside. For the second time in a row, Eliot was bailing him out after saying he wouldn't. Everything was going to be okay and Hardison knew it.



January 2013

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